If you have vaginismus and are feeling low self-worth, shame, stress, depression, anxiety, or more, you are not alone. Whether it’s because of perceiving ourselves as broken, our bodies not doing something we think they are naturally “supposed” to do, feeling disconnected from a partner, or avoiding of dating and intimacy altogether because of the pain, there’s a lot that might be on our minds! 

There are a number of studies showing a relationship between vaginismus and psychological distress. Whether these actually cause vaginismus or are the result of the pain (physical and emotional) that results from vaginismus, they likely all get wrapped up and jumbled in the ongoing cycle of pain (which you can break!). If you are curious to learn more about what current research says about vaginismus and its relationship to low self-worth and shame, keep reading.

Vaginismus and Low Self-Worth

One small and exploratory, but notable, German study released in 2021 analyzed signs of psychological distress among women who had been diagnosed with dyspareunia or vaginismus in comparison to a control group of women from previous studies. The women who had been diagnosed with dyspareunia or vaginismus scored high in comparison to the control group on scales of worrying, sensitivity, lack of sexual interest, internal communication, low self-perception, low self-regulation, low self-worth, low impulse control, low self-esteem and patterns of self degradation. That’s a long list.

This is in alignment with previous research, including one 2013 study that found that women with vestibulodynia (chronic pain at the entrance of the vagina) showed traits of being “cautious, careful, insecure, and pessimistic [and]...to experience their own behavior and choices influenced out of their control or against their own will...resulting in an increased vulnerability in intimate relations... it could also be an important factor [of] depression and anxiety.” (I use the study of vestibulodynia here because they are similar, sometimes overlap, and there isn’t that much research overall around women’s pelvic pain.)

Vaginismus and Shame

The idea that sex is shameful is thought to be a potential or contributing cause of vaginismus by many in the medical community. People with vaginismus have been shown to have shame about intercourse in general, intimacy, their bodies, and/or their genitals. Research has suggested that this is due to trauma within parental relationships, specifically with a father or father figure who may have been domineering, moralistic, or verbally abusive of the child or mother (and observed by the child). 

Shame can also be a symptom of vaginismus due to the feeling of inadequacy or inability for one’s body to function the way it does for so many other people or a loss of or cap on intimacy with a partner. 

If you have vaginismus and some or all of this information resonates, know that you are not alone! Here are a few tips to aid you on your healing journey:

Find Community

It’s important to feel seen and validated in our physical and emotional pain in order to begin and continue the journey of healing. Find a trusted confidante like a friend or therapist, and/or join a vaginismus community group for support. There are a number of free Facebook groups. Team Hope & Her also has an option.

Treat Yourself Like You’d Treat a Friend

Be gentle, kind, and loving to yourself, just like you would treat a friend going through a hard time. 

Slow Down to Speed Up

The process of moving through vaginismus is not linear and requires patience and care. Give yourself time, space, and love!

If you are looking for more tips and a mind-body-spirit approach to support your vaginismus healing, check out this FREE guide.