Have you been to a PT that gave that gave you visualizations for dilating that included imagining your vulva as a rose opening up?

Mine did. I had a visceral reaction. And it wasn't positive. But still, I rolled with it as long as I could because she was a professional and apparently this cheesy visualization worked for other people.

It's not that I have anything against visualization, roses, or any other flower for that matter. I've used guided meditations for years. I buy flowers for myself on a regular basis. Outwardly, I am a relatively "feminine" person. I like dressing up from time to time. I have a wardrobe and home interspersed with floral prints and pastels. The activities I enjoy spending my time on are, by societal standards, feminine. The problem I was sensing but didn't realize (until this morning frankly), was how much that suggestion enforced that femininity rather than let it unfold.

I likely had this realization this morning because I am deep into a popular romantasy novel series right now. Something a former version of me may have rolled her eyes at, but the current version of me feels very hungry for. It's the second series I've started (different authors) and I'm noticing patterns that feel all too familiar, which is why I think these series are resonating with so many people.

I won't dive into the details or ruin a plot line for anyone, but in more than one romantasy series, we find the same storyline: We meet a female heroine on the brink of a journey, stepping out into a new world. She meets a male counterpart with protective instincts. Initially, this feels good, like something cozy she can be held by, like a seed in soil. And she starts to grow, making her way up through the mud and dirt. But as she continues on her journey, growing in her strength and encountering new obstacles, busting through the earth and into the air, those protective instincts and that coziness start to feel...tight. Small. Suffocating. It's subtle at first, but the shadows grow darker. Her male counterpart wants her to bloom, but refuses to expose her to the sun. He sees and wants to keep her as she was, a little seedling. Over time she feels far too constrained; if she doesn't get out she will wither. It isn't until she escapes and finds a partner who honors her freedom and gives her access to the sun and growth she craves that she fully opens and blooms in the way she was expected to in the first place.

And maybe it's a little dramatic of me (I'm a Leo with some choice Scorpio placements, I can't help it), but I realized that visceral reaction I had when my PT told me to imagine my vulva as a blooming rose was just another reminder of those societal expectations of softness without power. I was expected to reach that destination without the growth.

In Yoga philosophy, the chakra system represents energy points along our spine that align with various phases of development. In order to fully let our energy flow to the blooming, beautiful, connective, vulnerable heart chakra, we must first unblock the navel chakra, our center of anger, shame, and power. Coincidentally, the navel chakra correlates to the sun, our own personal powerhouse. No power, no heart, at least not fully. Any energy that passes through the navel and into the heart will be a mere thread vs. a thick coil. As I've reflected on many of my relationships, romantic and platonic, I haven't felt or expressed the fullness of love because until recently, I haven't felt or expressed the fullness of my own power. I cannot authentically surrender in vulnerability to someone without first establishing my own roots and center.

So this month, I invite you to contemplate and reflect on your own power, in addition to your softness, and perhaps like me, you'll realize that you might not be able to authentically achieve the latter without the former.

If this theme speaks to your experience with dilating, consider adding Divine Dilating to your practice. Divine dilating includes practical tips for how to dilate, a sample schedule, practices to ease you into working with your pelvic floor, and 7 Power Practices (guided meditations to use while dilating). It's the tool I wish I had when I began working with dilators, and my offering to you. Learn more here.