Episode 7: Vaginismus, Freeze, Procrastination, and Lethargy
Hello and welcome to VagQuest: The Podcast! VagQuest was created to bring support, personal insights, and levity to those on a journey with vaginismus and related pelvic floor dysfunction.
My name is Missi and this podcast partners with a program I created to support those of you struggling with moving through vaginismus through a purely physical approach of exercise and dilating. Those are the things that got me started and moved me across the finish line, but in today’s episode, I’ll be continuing to chat about the relationship between the nervous system and vaginismus. I’ve had a couple of nervous system episodes so far. Today we’ll dive a little deeper into the parasympathetic nervous system, using its powers for good, how it relates to vaginismus, and a few tips from yoga that can help us move in and out of a parasympathetic state.
The Parasympathetic Nervous System or PNS, is associated with the “rest and digest” function, which is obviously incredibly important to our lives. As we discussed in a prior episode, in a state of safety, the Parasympathetic Nervous System is associated with sleep, relaxation, sphincter release, dilation, and sexual arousal (just a note: the climactic state is associated with the Sympathetic Nervous System, which is a great example of the interplay between states). I know some of you out there struggle with lack of arousal and pleasure in conjunction with your vaginismus. We’ll get more into that a little later in this podcast series, but I just want to flag that right now.
So take a moment to reflect on your experience with vaginismus and how it might relate to your ability to relax and sleep. Feel free to pause the episode to ponder that question or journal. And if you find a potential relationship, a great place to start is going back to Episode 5: Vaginismus and the Nervous System Advice You Don’t Want to Hear to evaluate your self care habits. Sometimes I feel like we should give self-care a more extreme name to force ourselves to maintain these practices. Because self-care sounds soft or luxurious. When really it’s like “Daily Tasks to Do or Die.” It’s not inaccurate.
So that covers why the parasympathetic nervous system is important and how we can hone its powers for good. In a previous episode, we also discussed that under threat, the PNS is associated with freeze, procrastination, collapse, and resignation. So when we think of vaginismus, if our nervous system perceives a threat and our response to a threat is to go into a freeze state, our muscles tense to restrict movement, hence pelvic floor activation. I think there is actually a combination of PNS and sympathetic nervous system activity associated with the freeze state, with the muscle activation, but the punchline is— we freeze and muscles contract, including our pelvic floor. Now, we might not be able to control whether we go into a freeze state in the moment it occurs, but proactively, we can train ourselves to be aware of our triggers and expand our ability to handle different types of stressors, and reactively, we can train ourselves to build awareness of state change and how to move out of it through tools like the TIMES method and laddering, which I discussed in Episode 6. If you haven’t listened yet or need a refresher, it’s a very practical episode.
Now, maybe a freeze state isn’t associated with your vaginismus, or perhaps it is, but there might be more layers to this story. Maybe you struggle with procrastination or resignation regarding your vaginismus— this might look like having a mindset of accepting your fate as someone who has this thing and who can’t move out of it. This is reinforced by not engaging in habits and behaviors that could help move you through it, like talking to your medical provider, seeking advice from other experts, or maybe you’ve sought help but you’re having trouble sticking to your PT exercises and dilating. These are also examples of a parasympathetic threat response. So what might cause this?
Let’s say you’ve been programmed to believe that any talk of certain body parts or sex is taboo and off limits, or you are a terrible human or there will be repercussions on your life and soul for having an ounce of curiosity about how your body functions or why you might experience certain feelings or sensations. Or maybe it’s more mundane and these things just weren’t ever brought up in the environments you were raised in, so thinking or talking about them feels totally abnormal. When you’re exposed to those topics, whether through your own thoughts or experiences, or having to navigate sex with your partner, or having to talk to a medical provider about them, or do things like exercises and dilating that support these body parts and sexual function, that puts you at risk of a different type of threat. Under that type of threat, you might go into those other shut down modes I just listed—procrastination, resignation, etc. The good news is that those same proactive and reactive methods— maintaining self care practices (now known as Do or Die Daily Tasks), TIMES and laddering, can be used to navigate out of these states for a bottom-up approach to finding a sense of safety and relaxation in our bodies.
I’ve also mentioned that I love yoga as a tool for navigating the nervous system. I mean, it’s the name of my website. If you are trying to move into or out of a parasympathetic state, you can use tools like breathwork, meditation, and movement to get yourself there. One thing I’ll call out before I list some options is that I don’t think there is a one-size fits all approach to any of these modalities. I don’t know where you’re starting and where you’re trying to go, if you have medical conditions or something else going that prohibit these from having the desired effect. So these are just typical suggestions, but you are ultimately the only one who can decide what feels right for you in the moment.
Breathwork practices that typically slow us down and get us into a more relaxed state can be basic long slow deep breaths, in through the nose, and out through the nose. Big sighs can also feel really nice. You can also play around with lengthening your exhales— so breathing in for 4 counts for example, and extending your exhale to 5,6,7, or 8 counts. You don’t have to force the extended exhales— it will have the opposite effect— just use your awareness to see if you can gently extend your exhales, and start small. Box breathing is another option. In box breathing, we inhale through the nose for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale through the nose for 4 and hold for four. You can do any of these breaths for as long as you like; I would try for at least a minute each and see how you feel. Movement practices to get into relaxation could be slow, repetitive flowing movements, almost like you’re rocking your body. If you’re coming from a more activated place, it might feel good to do movements that start standing, like tadasana into forward fold and back, or a slow flow from warrior II > reverse warrior > extended side angle. You could then transition into a crescent moon to half hanumanasana, or half splits slow flow, and then get more grounded in a seated position with slow lateral side bends before finding a yin practice or full stillness. Meditation is the same— you can do a walking meditation so you can discharge energy from your body before finding a seated position. I really like swaying side to side or rocking from one sits bone to the other while in a seated position if I feel a little activated and want to relax. And then the ultimate relaxation is Yoga Nidra, but again, if you’re activated, this is probably not where we want to jump down to right away.
If you’re dealing with a sense of procrastination or lethargy, and want to activate, you can try Kapalbhati or breath of fire. This is a series of quick exhales through the nose, engaging your core to push the breath out. I recommend trying that for 30 seconds if you’ve never done it, and then a minute or even longer if you’re a regular practitioner. You can also do the reverse of all the movement practices I just described. You could even start in a still state, and visualize yourself getting up and taking that next movement or doing the thing you need to do to prepare your body to actually act. We’ll discuss more activation techniques later in this series!
In the next episode, we’ll talk about the top-down approach that can help us to expand our abilities to handle the things that trigger us. To do that, we’ll use a little something called the Integrated Model of Planned Behavior, which is a leading behavior change theory that is all about identifying, deconstructing, and reprogramming our beliefs around our desired actions.
If you just cannot wait for more, you can visit yogaforvaginismus.com, where you can sign up for the free Vaginismus Starter Kit, or the monthly Y4V membership which includes Yoga for Vaginismus, a library of asana, movement, and breathwork practices designed to support people with vaginismus; Divine Dilating, a series of what I call Power Practices, which are guided meditations to use while dilating, and lastly, VagQuest, the course!
Until next time, take deep breaths into your lower rib cage and lower back, and wiggle out anything you’re holding onto from your day, and I’ll see you on the other side of vaginismus. Peace.
